This Habit is one of the 10 Habits of Happy Couples Tina and Michael LeBlanc write about in their blog and in their book released in Fall 2022. To check out the other Habits check the index. To really use these Habits to work on your relationship, you can access their book – The 10 Habits of Happy Couples – which gives you complete examples of each Habit and exercises that you can do with your partner to develop these Habits in your relationship.
About the Authors
Tina and Michael LeBlanc are, co-founders of Better Yourself 365, Licensed Counselling Therapists, Authors of relationship books, and a happily married couple. All of their services are tailored to busy, overstretched couples. Tina and Michael help couples work efficiently as a team by teaching them the essential habits to create a strong, loving connection.
Life with a partner will be filled with messiness, stress and miscommunication!
We need to expect this as there is so much to juggle in the course of a day, and you are dealing with two human beings that are not perfect. However, the amount of confusion, chaos and upset can be limited the more couples come together to identify clear rules and get on the same page with certain values around key topics.
So this is probably the most practical tip of all our Habits, but so many couples don’t do this part thoroughly enough.
The more you take time to talk about the day-to-day life at your house and organize yourselves, the more this will prevent fights and help you and your partner feel more like a team.
Three of the most important topics to be clear on and organize are:
Take some time with your partner to get practical here. Start from scratch if you need to, but sit together and really take a look at your daily life and how things are going in each of the three categories. What’s going well, and what can be improved?
Try to stay away from a 50/50 mentality. We have to be pragmatic if we are going to make progress, so neither partner feels like they are forced into agreeing to something that they don’t want. At times one partner does take on more than the other in one of the areas. It’s part of going with the flow that life offers. But resentment can build up if they get stuck doing something they feel is unfair or too much.
Start by making a list of what needs to get done and organized in each of the three areas. Discuss who would be interested and better at doing each task. There will be tasks that neither of you likes or are good at doing. So you might want to get help on those. These can include things like hiring a house cleaner, working with a financial planner, or hiring a tutor for one of your kids.
Where is your energy, time and dollars best spent so things can run as smoothly as possible and where each partner feels like things are fair?
Whatever you decide together, you now need to organize yourselves. Again, if this is not your strong suit, find a friend or family member with strong organizational skills and get help. Fridge calendars or syncing Google Calendars or iCal is a great way for both of you to be aware of what’s happening. But this doesn’t replace talking about your schedule and plans daily or weekly. Get in line with each other, so both of you know what is happening.
The longer you wait to do this pragmatic step, the more likely that conflicts will arise and resentment will take hold. Get help if you can’t have these conversations alone – it might indicate a bigger problem (see Habit #3).
Psychologist Carol Dweck introduced the concept of a Growth Mindset, which is the ability to bounce back from setbacks and view mistakes as opportunities for learning. We believe this concept can also be applied to and improve your relationships.
This includes being firm when necessary, setting boundaries as an act of self-care. These elements, when combined, form the foundation of a strong, resilient relationship.
Individuals have preferred ways of connecting with their partners, such as physical touch or deep conversations. We stress the importance of understanding and accommodating each other’s styles through open communication, fostering mutual respect and harmony.
Understanding and openly sharing core emotions like sadness, fear, shame, loneliness, hurt, surprise, and joy can lead to deeper connections in your relationships.
Attachment, a term often used by researchers to describe the emotional bonds we form with significant others, is the foundation for how relationships function. In this blog post, we explain the intricate dynamics of adult attachment styles, and how they shape the way we feel and act in our relationships.
Better Yourself First refers to how stronger individuals lead to a stronger couple. A healthy relationship needs two healthy individuals. This is a core belief for us here at BetterYourself365. Our whole philosophy as a company is based on this.