This Habit is one of the 10 Habits of Happy Couples Tina and Michael LeBlanc write about in their blog and in their book released in Fall 2022. To check out the other Habits check out the index. To really use these Habits to work on your relationship, you can access their book – The 10 Habits of Happy Couples – which gives you complete examples of each Habit and exercises that you can do with your partner to develop these Habits in your relationship.
About the Authors
Tina and Michael LeBlanc are, co-founders of Better Yourself 365, Licensed Counselling Therapists, Authors of relationship books, and a happily married couple. All of their services are tailored to busy, overstretched couples. Tina and Michael help couples work efficiently as a team by teaching them the essential habits to create a strong, loving connection.
Simply put, Better Yourself First refers to how stronger individuals lead to a stronger couple. A healthy relationship needs two healthy individuals. This is a core belief for us here at BetterYourself365. Our whole philosophy as a company is based on this.
Why is this important? Because when you are well, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, you can better deal with the stressors of life and be more able to show up for your partner and your kids, if you have them. It’s really that simple!
Each person in a relationship must first focus on their own health if they want a healthy relationship. That doesn’t mean that we have to be perfect and constantly healthy, but we have to be focusing on our own growth as an individual consistently. Then we bring this strength and a clear sense of SELF into the relationship.
If you can only change one thing, this is it. Listen inside to what has been too hard to face. Your partner may have been complaining about it. Perhaps these things to change seem too overwhelming for you to start working on, so whenever your partner talks to you about it, you shut down. Maybe you’re feeling helpless and you don’t know where to start. Nothing will ever change unless you decide you want to better yourself first. Your partner can’t make you change anything. It has to be your decision.
Is it the fact that you put in too many hours at work? Is it the drinking? The anger? The irritability or mood swings that are hard to predict and control? Fear of being vulnerable? Is it depression? Unresolved grief? Or past trauma of some sort?
Bottom line, you are responsible for your own happiness. You can’t rely on your partner for your changes. A partner can accept and tolerate a lack of effort to work on your own ‘stuff’ for a while, but this will most likely just lead to resentment in the long run.
So DO something. Try something different. If you are having trouble getting started, share that with your partner. Let them know that you want to work on it but don’t know where to start. When we know that our partner is aware of their ‘stuff’, we can be more patient and are more willing to wait to see progress, and we become actually open to helping them. So your partner needs to know that DOING your self-growth work is important to you too.
If you are struggling to do it on your own, decide to get help today. Make an appointment with a doctor, therapist, nutritionist, or coach. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Psychologist Carol Dweck introduced the concept of a Growth Mindset, which is the ability to bounce back from setbacks and view mistakes as opportunities for learning. We believe this concept can also be applied to and improve your relationships.
This includes being firm when necessary, setting boundaries as an act of self-care. These elements, when combined, form the foundation of a strong, resilient relationship.
Individuals have preferred ways of connecting with their partners, such as physical touch or deep conversations. We stress the importance of understanding and accommodating each other’s styles through open communication, fostering mutual respect and harmony.
Understanding and openly sharing core emotions like sadness, fear, shame, loneliness, hurt, surprise, and joy can lead to deeper connections in your relationships.
Attachment, a term often used by researchers to describe the emotional bonds we form with significant others, is the foundation for how relationships function. In this blog post, we explain the intricate dynamics of adult attachment styles, and how they shape the way we feel and act in our relationships.
Better Yourself First refers to how stronger individuals lead to a stronger couple. A healthy relationship needs two healthy individuals. This is a core belief for us here at BetterYourself365. Our whole philosophy as a company is based on this.