Commitment, Capacity and Confidence
Michael discusses how he moved from not being ready for a change to being ready to change, and the 3 C’s of change: Commitment, Capacity and Confidence, and the five corresponding components to each key area.
Michael discusses how he moved from not-being-ready for a change to being-ready to change.
He explores the 3 C’s of change: Commitment, Capacity and Confidence, and the 5 corresponding components to each key area.
“I know I need to make some changes but I’m not quite ready” I say to myself as New Year’s Eve approaches (Read more about this on a previous blog). I had this sinking gut feeling I just couldn’t shake no matter how much egg-nog I sipped. My brain also knew that my gut was on to something because it was coming up with plans and goals and reasons.
But there was something missing. I couldn’t comprehend how on earth I would be able to muster the energy and find the time for adding anything extra to my life. I was sold an image of self-care that was meditation apps and Peloton machines in between work meetings and kids’ activities. I was already feeling overwhelmed with very busy days of working, parenting and coaching more than one of my kids’ sports teams. If I was going to honor this inner push for changes in my lifestyle I was going to have to find an answer to the energy and time question.
Almost 2 years has passed since that time in my life and I ended up creating the time and the energy to make significant changes to my lifestyle. It was a gradual process of adding small changes over time and it was difficult – like pushing a snowball – a habit snowball – around the grass to make the bottom of a snowman.
I have done a lot of learning since that day. I have read and listened and talked. There is research and books on change connected with addictions, and some about organizational changes, but not a lot of concrete strategies of how to help people make lifestyle changes. I started to pay more attention to my counselling clients’ process trying to change – and realized that despite my reading and learning it was not clear to me how to get there. So, I came up with my own process by taking some of what I learned from researchers, my friends, my clients and my own experiences.
I call it the 3-C’s of Change. It involves 3 skill-based areas we can assess and grow in order to increase our readiness to make lifestyle changes. Assess your own readiness with this Quiz. Along the way I learned that if I worked on the 5 components of each of the 3 C’s of Change I ended up with a skill set that I can use at home or at work. I can apply this formula to changing how I eat, how productive I am at work, how much I use my phone, how I speak to my kids, how much I exercise, or how to improve my sleep. What a powerful tool in my toolbox
There are 3 areas of readiness to make lifestyle change: Commitment, Capacity and Confidence. Assess your Readiness For Change here.
Commitment is how aware you are of the need to change and how accepting you are that you need to change now.
Capacity is the planning and thought you have put toward why you want to change, how that change might look, and the space you feel you have in your life to make the changes.
Confidence is your personal belief in your ability to pull this off, working through perceived roadblocks and inevitable setbacks.
Acceptance – acknowledging that you need to make changes. Sometimes we are not even aware of how bad things are and need others to let us know, or we need to hit rock bottom. Take the risk someone you trust for some feedback.
Understanding – our awareness of the pros and cons of making our changes. This process can happen out of your awareness or you can do it purposefully in conversation with your partner, while on a walk or on a piece of paper.
Keenness – is our commitment to take action ASAP. Lots of us have ideas of changes but we kick the can down the road. How do you bring it to the forefront?
Action Planning – deciding the day and time you will start. The more specific you get the better. Vague promises to ourselves rarely propel us to take action.
Accountability – gently increasing the pressure on ourselves to make the change by talking about it with other people. Some people need a coach, others need a buddy, others do it on social media.
Which of these categories need the most attention for you? If you are not sure complete the quiz What’s Your Change Readiness Score to help you narrow down the areas you can work on.
Notice that nowhere will you find the word willpower or motivation. I believe that willpower is used far too much in our lives as something we either have or don’t. It is like a muscle – it wears out. So, if we plan for small, consistent changes with some self-compassion, we don’t have to rely on a ton of willpower to get things done.
As for motivation, that comes through in our purpose, goals and personal responsibility. In my experience our motivation comes down to knowing your why and that you are the only one who can fulfill that why.
I encourage you to examine your lifestyle and ask yourself if there are spots for improvement. If so, look at the list of 15 skills and determine which ones you need to strengthen. You’ll have more success if you do this without getting upset with yourself or blaming others.
The aim is slow, steady growth. If it takes 4 weeks to get ready for your first change, let that be okay. If you are further ahead, great. There is a way to increase our readiness for change and if we can find that combination of gentleness and purpose-driven action we can start moving our life in the direction we always wanted.
Go get it!
Michael
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