Understanding and openly sharing emotions allow us to establish deeper connections in our relationships.
About the Authors
Tina and Michael LeBlanc are, co-founders of Better Yourself 365, Licensed Counselling Therapists, Authors of relationship books, and a happily married couple. All of their services are tailored to busy, overstretched couples. Tina and Michael help couples work efficiently as a team by teaching them the essential habits to create a strong, loving connection.
At Better Yourself 365, we believe that emotions rule our relationships.
They play the key role in what gets couples stuck in their negative communication patterns. They are the guiding force in happy relationships, and we need to understand them better.
Core Emotions: The Underlying Currents of Connection
At the core of every individual, there are emotions that serve as the driving force behind our moods and physiological states. These emotions are often hidden beneath the surface, only emerging when we intentionally tune into them. They are the vulnerable, raw feelings that draw couples closer when they are shared. Some researchers believe these emotions encompass seven fundamental aspects: Sadness, Fear, Shame, Loneliness, Hurt or Pain, Surprise, and Joy.
In healthy relationships, partners can tap into and openly share these core emotions. The key is that their partners can receive them without judgment. This exchange of emotions fosters a deeper connection and brings more fulfilment. However, it’s not always easy, as some of these emotions are painful and challenging to confront. This is where secondary emotions come into play.
Unpacking Secondary Emotions
Secondary emotions are the immediate reactions to protect us from core emotions that may be uncomfortable or painful to experience. The problem with these secondary emotions is that they can inadvertently push our partner away, becoming a significant part of the negative interaction cycles within a relationship.
Examples of secondary emotions include anger, frustration, overwhelm, and jealousy. When these emotions are expressed, they can lead to painful arguments, causing a rift in the relationship. This can lead to us being stuck in a cycle of negative interactions.
“The CPR Process of Repair” – is a 3-step roadmap to help couples recognize their cycles, step away from heightened emotions, and come together to process their feelings and resolve conflicts in a healthy and constructive way.
In today’s fast-paced world, it’s crucial to prioritize quality time with our significant others. This involves establishing rituals, engaging in meaningful conversations, and supporting each other’s well-being.
Having clear relationship rules and organizing your daily lives is a practical and crucial step towards a fulfilling and harmonious partnership. By acknowledging that life can get messy and unpredictable, you and your partner can work together to establish a system that caters to your needs and values.
It can be confusing to know if you should get help for your relationship, and then even more confusing to know who to get help, and what kind of of help you need! Read more to find out
Psychologist Carol Dweck introduced the concept of a Growth Mindset, which is the ability to bounce back from setbacks and view mistakes as opportunities for learning. We believe this concept can also be applied to and improve your relationships.
This includes being firm when necessary, setting boundaries as an act of self-care. These elements, when combined, form the foundation of a strong, resilient relationship.
