Understanding and openly sharing emotions allow us to establish deeper connections in our relationships.
About the Authors
Tina and Michael LeBlanc are, co-founders of Better Yourself 365, Licensed Counselling Therapists, Authors of relationship books, and a happily married couple. All of their services are tailored to busy, overstretched couples. Tina and Michael help couples work efficiently as a team by teaching them the essential habits to create a strong, loving connection.
At Better Yourself 365, we believe that emotions rule our relationships.
They play the key role in what gets couples stuck in their negative communication patterns. They are the guiding force in happy relationships, and we need to understand them better.
Core Emotions: The Underlying Currents of Connection
At the core of every individual, there are emotions that serve as the driving force behind our moods and physiological states. These emotions are often hidden beneath the surface, only emerging when we intentionally tune into them. They are the vulnerable, raw feelings that draw couples closer when they are shared. Some researchers believe these emotions encompass seven fundamental aspects: Sadness, Fear, Shame, Loneliness, Hurt or Pain, Surprise, and Joy.
In healthy relationships, partners can tap into and openly share these core emotions. The key is that their partners can receive them without judgment. This exchange of emotions fosters a deeper connection and brings more fulfilment. However, it’s not always easy, as some of these emotions are painful and challenging to confront. This is where secondary emotions come into play.
Unpacking Secondary Emotions
Secondary emotions are the immediate reactions to protect us from core emotions that may be uncomfortable or painful to experience. The problem with these secondary emotions is that they can inadvertently push our partner away, becoming a significant part of the negative interaction cycles within a relationship.
Examples of secondary emotions include anger, frustration, overwhelm, and jealousy. When these emotions are expressed, they can lead to painful arguments, causing a rift in the relationship. This can lead to us being stuck in a cycle of negative interactions.
Psychologist Carol Dweck introduced the concept of a Growth Mindset, which is the ability to bounce back from setbacks and view mistakes as opportunities for learning. We believe this concept can also be applied to and improve your relationships.
This includes being firm when necessary, setting boundaries as an act of self-care. These elements, when combined, form the foundation of a strong, resilient relationship.
Individuals have preferred ways of connecting with their partners, such as physical touch or deep conversations. We stress the importance of understanding and accommodating each other’s styles through open communication, fostering mutual respect and harmony.
Understanding and openly sharing core emotions like sadness, fear, shame, loneliness, hurt, surprise, and joy can lead to deeper connections in your relationships.
Attachment, a term often used by researchers to describe the emotional bonds we form with significant others, is the foundation for how relationships function. In this blog post, we explain the intricate dynamics of adult attachment styles, and how they shape the way we feel and act in our relationships.
Better Yourself First refers to how stronger individuals lead to a stronger couple. A healthy relationship needs two healthy individuals. This is a core belief for us here at BetterYourself365. Our whole philosophy as a company is based on this.