This Habit is one of the 10 Habits of Happy Couples Tina and Michael LeBlanc write about in their blog and in their book that will be released in the Fall of 2022. To check out the other Habits as they’re released weekly, check out the index below. To really use these Habits to work on your relationship, you can access their book – The 10 Habits of Happy Couples – which gives you complete examples of each Habit and exercises that you can do with your partner to develop these Habits in your relationship.
The 10 Habits of Happy Couples
Habit #10: Better Yourself First
Habit #9: Have Realistic Expectations
Habit #8: Have Clear Relationship Rules and Organize Your Daily Lives
Habit #6: Setting Goals and Dreaming Together
Habit #5: Respect Each Other
Habit #4: Prioritize Your Relationship
Habit #3: Understand Your Fights
Habit #2: Always Repair
Habit #1: Talk Openly and Tune In
Habit #6: Setting Goals and Dreaming Together
Nothing connects a couple more as a team than when they can have deep conversations about their hopes and dreams for their own or their family’s future. It bonds them as a team, it gives them hope and a feeling that they are moving in the same direction as a couple.
However, they also need to create space for individual needs and aspirations. Part of being in a strong relationship is having room as an individual in the relationship and having your own interests, hobbies, friends and support network. It is a sign of respect to see your partner as an individual separate from you. It actually increases the trust and connection in the relationship when each individual can also have space from each other when it doesn’t result in insecurities.
Bottom line, it’s important to have our individual and couples’ goals and dreams. And it is so important to be able to talk openly about both and support both.
Tips on How to Set Goals and Dream Together
Sharing our thoughts with our partners on bigger life issues usually doesn’t just happen on its own. You have to make room for it. If you and your partner only talk about the daily grind, then you might not let yourself share at this deeper level.
Go ahead and book these conversations into your schedule. Once a year, have a “goals and dreams” talk. Discuss how you feel about where you are personally & as a couple. Where do you want to be next year? In five years? Discuss you, your partner, and your family and see how you can make it all fit together and support one another.
And then schedule something more regular – weekly or monthly. These will be shorter conversations—check in on those dreams and goals you and your partner set and see how things progress. Celebrate successes & troubleshoot challenges. Support each other.
Did we mention how support is key?
Remember this important piece of information: When we commit to someone, we have no idea who they will be in 5 years, 10 years or 20 years. But one thing for sure is that they won’t be the same person they are today. And if you haven’t taken the time to grow with them on their journey, it might be shocking and might even destroy you to realize that you don’t recognize your partner someday.
Our work is to keep falling in love with the new parts of our partner as they keep changing and growing. If you succeed in doing this, it again deepens the bond.
About the Authors
Tina and Michael LeBlanc have been happily married since 2003, are parents to two teenage boys, and have over 20 years of combined experience as Licensed Counselling Therapists. Being experts in the Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) model and using it to help couples in their work, Tina and Michael drew from the EFT model to create a list of 10 Habits of Happy Couples. In this series of articles, they take you on a comprehensive walk through the 10 Habits, and with each, they give you an overview followed by specific tips you and your partner can use in your daily life.
